Okay, on a whim today, I bought this book at my school library book sale for 50 cents. It is called, “The Power of Flow” by Charlene Belitz and Meg Lundstrom. It is AMAZING!! I love it. everyone who loves the idea of everything being connected should read it. I am excited!
Too much randomness to tell. Perhaps I’ll just kick back and see what comes.
I have realized that there is no reason to rush. No need to freak over the plans, or the little things. Just breathe deeply, listen to fantastic music, read amusement, love some things more than others, and don’t plan your joys. and blog. Blogs from everyone would be fantastic.
Ice is talking; water dreaming.— “A Memory of Heaven” by Todd Davis
Overhead darkness pinched by starlight.
Below, in the mud of the world, turtle sleeps:
everything fluid, formless without the light
of a lantern. I must remember snow
is enough to see by, and ice will tell us
where we should step. At the end
of the valley limestone swallows water,
moon turns the trees blue, and red
crossbills look for seed among hemlocks.
Beneath the fields, water is talking
in its sleep; ice quiets its dreams.
What I write is always what comes after.
Remember back when I was 14? Shooting out philosophical ideas in half-masked facades of blogs. Then I took a class and realized that it’s all been done before. It sort of took the fun out of it. Oh well. Now I want to write about something important again. I want to write about how much I love religion, any kind really. How much Hinduism speaks to me, and yet, despite that, I hate the way women are treated by the religion. But then I want to write about how the Indian caste system is just an honest way of putting any social system, especially ours. I want to be able to put into words who I am. But like a rogue ghost, this person just keeps changing forms and dissapearing.
I have decided to stop using this as my little awkward online journal. I am sick of going off on rants and raves about stupid, little, insignificant things! So from now on this is for serious thoughts/ideas only! Just thought all should know.
I thought about deleting all of the unnecessary crappy blogs on here, but I decided they are important for showing the path that I’ve been beating. So they stay, but no more of them.
I just got in from outside. I went out in hopes of finding something to ground me, to center me, to help me understand my life more. Let me tell you: I found it. I should not be so shocked. It usually happens like this. I get so worked up about things that I implode and don’t know what to do. Then something happens and it all makes sense, or at least a little of it does.
I was laying on the trampoline, tired and cold. The sun was shining, the breeze was wafting a sweet flowery scent towards me… I thought about how cold I was, even with the weather being so nice. My cold, tired skin felt old and withered. But then I began to just let go and move with it. I began to drift off into sleep….
I woke up with a start after a cool wind brushed against my body, reminding me that I was outside. I was startled, since I was not intending to fall asleep. I felt odd…in a good way. I did not remember my dreams, but I do remember feeling unlike myself through the whole experience. As if I, the REAL me, had just gotten up out of my body and floated around. As if my body had been left alone to re-charge as I was free to do the same.
Now my skin is warm and rosy from the sun. Full and energized, I’m much better.
How am I ever supposed to be happy when everything I want is totally against what my parents are/want for me? When will I get to the point where I don’t care what they want from me? Is it really their right to tell me who to be and how to act? How am I supposed to help out when every moment I spend around her is like a literal living hell? I don’t care about your stupid old job that you quit weeks ago. I don’t care that the neighbor dogs are barking and dad is getting the frozen hose out. I don’t fucking care that there is a certain way to make a sandwhich and anything other than that is not acceptable, even if the person needing the sandwhich should be the one making it. The worst part about it all is how stupid it all is. I wouldn’t be so worked up about the small things if people didn’t care so fucking much about them. How long does it take to grind a bag of coffee? Why is my life composed of nothing but small, meaningless, completely pointless tasks for YOU? So YOU can have more time in your life to be an ignorant asshole?
1. Plant a tree
2. Learn to speak Spanish
3. Do a nature clean up
4. Write a novel
5. Do not speak for 24 hours
6. Get a job
7. Find a crafty hobby
8. Go to the Celestial Seasons tea factory in Boulder, CO
9. Read my entire Harvard Classics collection
10. Create a ‘Zine
11. Go to a Jack Johnson concert
12. Get my license
13. Create a holiday/birthday tradition
14. Become vegan!
15. Forget school and take a day trip
16. Try Red Bull
17. Scout all of Denver’s used book stores
18. Create a cookbook
19. Study Wicca and Zen as much as possible
20. Get high
21. Read all of the Dr. Suess books [0/44]
22. Go to an observatory
23. Go to the art museum and appreciate each piece.
24. Build a snowman
25. Learn to love something I hate
26. Stay awake for 24 hours five times [0/5]
27. Plant and grow a garden
28. Go to an amusement park and ride the scary rides
29. Write a letter to Scientific American
30. Go to the Nature and Science museum and appreciate it all
31. Create a city-wide scavenger hunt
32. Get dreadlocks
33. Purge my stuff and only keep what I need
34. Have a yard sale
35. Do not worry about taking classes that “count”
36. Catch a fish
37. Visit all the city parks in Denver
38. Meet some peeps
39. Watch all of John Cusak’s movies
40. Take a trip to Nebraska
41. Be able to meditate for hours in a row
42. Spend a whole day in a bookstore
43. Eat sushi
44. Find a swingset and swing!
45. Speak my mind
46. Attend a Death Cab for Cutie concert
47. Memorize pi
48. Learn to love the flaws
49. Check each coin for a “D”
50. Take a walk to the cemetary
51. Feed some ducks
52. Have a picnic
53. Finish my footlocker project
54. Keep up with current events
55. Visit the zoo
56. Re-read all the Harry Potter books
57. Obtain the entire LOST show on DVD and crack all the mysteries
58. Find a wildflower meadow
59. Stand in the rain
60. Watch all of the Brat Pack movies
61. Learn to speak French
62. Learn which trees are which
63. Try every kind of gum
64. Fill up my wall
65. Create a comic with Sadi
66. Wear through all my shoes
67. Study astronomy
68. Make a snow angel
69. Read Doglas Adams’ books
70. Give flowers to someone
71. Find poetry worth appreciating
72. Memorize all fifty states
73. Climb a tree
74. Recycle
75. Become dedicated to yoga
76. Discover new and amazing music every month
77. Learn about numerology
78. Memorize interpretations of tarot so I can do spreads without a book
79. Learn flowers and their names
80. Learn to french braid hair
81. Discover strong passions
82. Know myselve
83. Follow Conon O’Brien’s career
84. Find out about my ancestors
85. Learn more about feminism
86. Bake
87. Learn how to read tea leaves
88. Learn about the history of the circus
89. Get a tattoo (or henna)
90. Appreciate the little things
91. Start a book club
92. Encourage other people
93. Get as many A’s as possible in my classes
94. Start commiting myself to things
95. Read “The Cosmic Jackpot” again
96. Learn/Read about the history of earth
97. Know my way around the city really well
98. Choose which college to go to
99. Get new glasses
100. See the rest of the Harry Potter films in theatre
101. Make my list to start another one of these the day this ends!!!
The following is from a book called “Myths to Live By” by Joseph Campbell: “For in the Levant the accent is on obedience, the obedience of man to the will of God, whimsical though it might be; the leading idea being that god has rendered a revelation, which is registered in a book that men are to read and to revere, never to presume to criticize, but to accept and to obey. Those who do not know, or who would reject this holy book are in exile from their maker.” I have come to realize that I do not care whether there is a (god)dess or not. The fact is, if there is some higher being than me, I do not want any part of it unless it accepts me completely, in all ways, all thoughts, all beliefs. I will worship whatever religion I want, if any, whichever religion makes me feel in control, independent in my life, happy. If it is the wrong one, oh well. If it cannot understand my belief in empowerment, in equality, then there is no place for me next to her/him. If this higher power really needs to be worshipped, then it is not worthy of my worship. If I have to live my life in a way that I don’t believe in, that I don’t appreciate fully simply to be worthy of recognition in the eyes of a maker, it is not worth it. I’d rather think for myself and spend an eternity in hell than obey selfish, hypocritical men simply so I can go to heaven and sit next to one until the end of times.
I am so excited tonight!! Last night, in honor of Imbolc, I did a circle to celebrate new beginnings. I did a spell honoring Brigid and asked for her guidance throughout the next few months. I asked her to help me find my path in life, where I will be headed, what I will do. Now it seems like all day I’ve been presented with opportunites for my future. Even if I don’t end up doing them (even though there’s no reason not to atm), I can see the Goddess opening up opportunities for me.
